this is very very extremely generalized. doesn't imply ALL of us are like that. and don't worry i am just reassembling my bubble.

 

 

in this country of suppression of emotions--especially when it comes to SEXUAL emotions, people seek a way to ''bond'' with others through an innocent countenance. so what happens is that, in a crowded area people enjoy the fact that they are close to so many other people of let's just say, variety. men who cannot afford a regular sex worker opt to travel by buses and trains that are WAYY too crowded because that is the only place where women are willing to let them touch them because it is ''accidental''. actually, trains in india forbid that to an extent merely because of hte 'ladies compartment' that the ladies prefer to travel by. however, the ladies in the general compartment are the ones who are subject to that. obviously, not blaming hte men entirely because the ladies don't mind it either. the funny thing is some of the heterosexual people don't mind the VERY close touch of some other person of hte same sex because sexuality doesn't matter. the mere fact that someone is touching them is so pleasing. now, this is the theory..SEX is taboo. people cannot touch their other half in public because of how it is viewed in the society. teenagers for example are forbidden to have a relationship, let alone sex. period. after marriage, it is compulsary. some of the men have just slept with ONE woman [if htey are lucky] in their entire life and had many fantasies about many other women.. in quest of that 'variety'. now where else or how else can they get someone [not counting incest] to touch them without the existence of hte over populated buses or trains. [does that explain the population density of hte country? ] crowded places like buses where they are standing and a stranger woman is sitting works. sometimes.. even collapsing on to the woman 'by mistake' is okay [some obviously slap the men..but...]. without forcing the woman, they can get many things acheived. sigh. but hey, the women are no less. it is okay for others to touch them as much as tehy want as long as it is subtle even for the woman herself to realize. heres the problem. i cannot be in the same scenario. i cannot stand it. my bubble is WAYY too big for a crowded bus. the thought of having a man or a woman touching me without my consent is just not within my imaginable limit. i need my space. i need the men to stand a few feet away from me because i don't want them to subtlely enjoy themselves while i sit there..suffering..pretending to be unaware..regretting the presence. neither do i want the women to gain a sense of 'comfort' or whatever they might find in touching another woman by throwing themselves on me. i don't care if they do it to each other but when it comes to my bubble, very few people can pop it. *mumbles..* all those extra marital affairs that go on on buses. and the partners at home don't even have the slightest clue.

it is so peculiar and interesting that men holding hands with men in bombay is totally fine but a man and a woman is not okay. the hawaldaars will come and tell them to not be ''all over each other''. but homosexuality is viewed as such a BAD thing. just ironic. but thats something else.

 

this is about invading personal space. about popping the bubble.

i fell in love with her as soon as i saw her. she is amazing. i could adopt her. i loved her so much. slums weren't what she deserved. she deserves to be a princess.

 

 

 

 

steal my thoughts
and make them yours.
search all over my body.
kiss each and every scar you find.

 

do your magic,
and let it rain again.
let my eyes speak for you.
read it, baby, read my mind.

 

 

 

if you could always hear me,

you would hear me now.

 

you would hear me when i whispered

te quiero mucho.

 

if you could always hear me,

you would hear me thinking...

 

you would hear me think

how do i die here while he dies?

 

if you could always hear me,

you would hear my silent prayers.

 

you would hear me pray,

oh God, make miracles happen.

 

---

illusions are meant to deceive you.

 

let them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

if nobody tells me that they are illusions, that will be my reality. i'll just run away from those who want to shatter my dreams.

irony.

 

 

run away? HA.

three of us sat on my bed--discussing literature--Beloved. a common story that we all shared apart from being at one place at one given time. our lives are different--very differnt. from three different parts o the world, we sat there--shortening each and every route. but what went inside each mind--no third person could guess. i know what i was thinking about--a series of complex notions simplified by two words. and it would solve what i was thinking about. i wasn't sure if i would want to do that when i was completely conscious. implement those two words. discussing the superficial and abstract ideas of a literary piece was secondary. what the other two thought about, i wouldn't know.i could guess. but if the guess was right or wrong, i wouldn't know. sleep engulfed one. a conversation outside the room seemed to interest the other. nobody minded the deviation from the central topic of discussion--merely becauase there is so much more. thoughts do matter. and without them, our stories wouldn't have coincided. beloved. hehe.