I have always been insulted and at the same time admired about thinking like a 50 year old. that is not true. i am not trying to defend myself but it is genuinely not true. sometimes, a 12 year old comes out of me. sometimes even 49. Sometimes 16, sometimes 27, sometimes 21. i never know how i should live my life. i can't help it if my mind thinks too far. and i can't help it if my mind doesn't think at all. but that is besides the point. my mother once told me that i had become 'mature' as soon as my sister was born. i came in the hospital ward and i looked really OLD. that makes me sad. because i was only 2 years old. :( i never wanted to be OLD. anyway that is again besides the point. i was having a very interesting conversation with a nice and intelligent man at the breakfast table. we started a conversation by this discussion both of us attended. then i moved on to ask him about his motivation to join the profession he is in. he is a teacher. i love the way he just assumes my personality or probably makes an educated guess and says have you read a book by this pakistani writer who's name i have forgotten and then looking at my sad no [i want to seem all intelligent in front of a man like that], he didn't ignore it but rubbed it in by saying, 'you should'. then we had a very deep conversation about change and the subtlety of it in our lives. and how we can initiate it. he asked me to answer some of his questions that he fired one after the other. well, he didn't quite let me answer. he answered them for me. but it iwas interesting. he asked me if i was familiar with yoga. he assumed that i was familiar. do you do it? [at this point i nodded and meekly said, 'sometimes'.] why do you do yoga? he paused. waited for a fifth of a second. then he said 'just because'. i couldn't help smiling. you end with shava-asan. why? not becuase it has a goal. not because yiou want to live longer. not because you get peace. just because the goal ends in the end of the action. i saw his point coming and didn't necessarily agree to him. but i was almost convinced to agree to him because he didn't let me think for long enough. he said, therefore, change is just

very subtle. and all you see is the process. so, manasi, he said, don't worry about making a change. all you are going to see in your life time is just hte process. you won't see the change. but the process is all that matters. life is what it is now. and not what it is in the future. i have heard this phrase before. but i think it was never explained so well.

one of those random conversations that just don't mean anything but still do.